As far as I can remember, I have been told that my temper would only brought me trouble. I was being too difficult; my rebellious nature would be an impediment to my success; I was too nervous. In short, I grew up hearing and thinking that there was something wrong with me.
Growing older, I kept hearing that I was too dramatic, too intense, too emotional, too needy. Obviously, they was an overflow of something in me that did not suit my family and some of my loved ones. So I kept on containing whatever was perceived unappropriate or unfit. I was hiding the real me, making my best to deliver what was expected or presumed from me “good and bad” as deemed by my peers appreciation. I became predictible to meet other’s insecurities and beliefs.
One day, I was at a party at some of my parents’ friends chatting away with a delicious granny. We were laughing and having the most wonderful time in front of my stunned father (whose presence I had kind of forgotten). I then remembered him complaining afterwards that I had never granted them with such a gracious behaviour.
If you cant trust to be yourself, why others should trust you?
As a child I was seeking the approval of my surroundings, growing older I was still craving for this elusive and brief relief of peer’s acceptance. But as I was denying myself and my true nature in searching for other’s approval, I was also rejecting the very part of me that needed to be loved. The (relatively) brief relationships I had, often rested on false assumptions of who I was and again I was trying to fit the other’s expectations. It is impossible to sustain a fulfilling relationship or even a meaningful task if it’s not pursued from a place of authenticity.
We don’t have to become regulated by others’ insecurities and limitations to find our place. If we do, there is a risk that we will lose the irrational optimism needed to break records and lead a meaningful life in accordance to who we are and what we can bring. Being naively authentic is the true quality that fuel entrepreneurs, artists, leaders and athletes who push their limits because they proceed from a place of true self. The challenge is therefore to accept and love ourselves for who we are unconditionally and completely, no matter what. There is no other path than the one you run with your heart.
When you deny being yourself in the hope that others or circumstances reward us, you sign for mediocrity, depression and a nagging sense that the life we lead is not worth living.
Yes there is a price to pay for being oneself. People, even family and friends will disapprove of you. You will encounter setbacks on the road. But the price we pay for being yourself will never be as great as the price we have to pay from turning from our true nature.
Be yourself and do not worry for others’ reaction “If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it was meant to be, if it doesn’t it never was”.
~ Fritz Perl (founder of Gestalt therapy).
Them not being with you may be for your highest good. Who knows what you were spared. You have to honor the mind of the universe.
Not being yourself implies a fundamental mistrust of others
“The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice…it is conformity.”
~ Rollo May, Man’s Search for Himself.
I believe there is a fundamental underlying reason behind authoritarian people or organisation’s urgency of control and need for denying individuality. That reason is lack of trust. Outstanding thinkers and wise leaders presents two qualities: they’re usually non-conformists on an epic scale—and they display a deep trust in the basic intelligence, goodness and capacity for growth of their fellow human beings.
You dont start a movement by being conformist. The ones in charge gain from the status quo and have more to lose in the change. They will find allies in the authoritarian and the fearful. Conformity always comes with a threat of punishment if you dont fit in, whether it comes from ridicule, being cast away by others, or direct attack and all lead to self-hatred.
Being yourself makes you a winner
So be yourself totally in everything you do. Do not let other’s level of perception define and limit who you are. For as you know, others may just be insecure and frightened in front of the true you. Never mind the disapproval or rejection of those who lack the courage to follow the same route. Inner frustration and mediocrity are the true price of conformity while those you follow their dreams can ever hope to find lasting satisfaction in their life.
